Insight From Wendy

This is a very special friend to me named, Wendy. She shared some insightful advice to a lady in regards to her church relationships and I wanted to share her thoughts with you today:

First, there is not a church on this earth that does not have faults and room for improvement. Because we are saved by His grace, we should be the first to be willing to show grace to others, including the churches we attend- even if we choose to leave those churches. There are always going to be areas where a church can improve. Thing is, the way I see it, we, members of the body of Christ, we can choose to be part of the solution, or we can show the grace that was extended to us from Christ by giving it to the church in the area of forgiveness or "cut them some slack" by way of understanding, and let go and move on.

Another thought that comes to mind in the 'system' that was mentioned was, why on earth would one want to be a part of a checklist for someone? Is there a real concern for you as a person? You barely know this fellow, how on earth is his ministry actually able to minister to you, when you hardly even know him? What is it really, that you were hoping to achieve by receiving a note from the church acknowledging your absence? We here on the board are just as much your sisters in Christ as the women in that church, and (almost) every week we have an accountability thread here asking if everyone went to church. So what was the expectation for them contacting you? Besides to be recognized as non attendance? Isn't your church attendance really between you and the Lord?

I know I'm at a disadvantage here because in my church, ministry is greatly formed through relationships. That's how it filters over to the board and my feelings that how can lurkers really expect to be ministered to here on the board, when we don't even know they are here, much less know them enough to know what is going on in their lives? We are not mind readers, and the people of the local church are not mind readers. Only through interaction can ministry truly develop.

My husband and I not long after we were saved drifted away from the church. Back then, our church had no formed ministry towards new believers, Satan done his work, we got discouraged, and voila we were not attending for over a year. No one contacted us from the church (though we had not joined), but there was no way I could hold the church responsible for my long absence from church; my not going to church and not being there was my issues, not the church's issues. It would have been very easy for me to blame the lack of the church's contact with me as a reason for us not attending (not the main one but in addition to our reasons).

But in our case, our flesh was content with our lifestyle, and it was only when we decided that our lives could not go on the way it was, that we made the decision for ourselves we had to go back. When we went back, we were happy to be back in fellowship with the Lord. Not much contact was made with members we did not already know (my family members, and one other couple, out of a congregation of 500 at the time..), but after I become involved with ministering to others there, did the ministry towards me begin. Only after I formed relationships with others, real relationships not the formal kinds, did I get a phone call when I was not noticed.

Even then, there was only one person that actually made those calls, and it was not that my other friends in the church didn't care, but not everyone has the gift of socialization (friend "S" that called me after one Sunday), hospitality (friend "L" who holds a women's bible study in her home each week and continually invites new people to it, or friend "D" who LOVES to throw tea parties in her home and have the older women in the church give varying testimonies), written correspondence (friend "V" who sends a card to each and every person she can get an address for for their birthday's, kid's birthday's, and for new parents) .... not everyone has these gifts. I don't have them certainly, so I cannot expect others to do what I am able to acknowledge I cannot keep up with myself.

I personally don't particularly care for being part of a "list". My Sunday school has over 60 people on roll, and there's two women who are in charge of sending out birthday cards every month. I am sure this is done with nothing but love from our teachers wanting everyone to feel welcomed, but really, the card is from the class leadership, not "the class", as the card says. If I thanked the lady sitting behind me for the card, she'd look at me as if I was nuts ;o) But everyone knows those cards are sent. The novelty is nice, but is it really a ministry? That's how I look at 'attendance programs'.

Yes, it's good for churches to try to follow up on members and to know what is going on, but I'll be the first to say my Pastors would be clueless about what was going on, if people were not there to tell them what was going on. I don't expect them to know what's going on with us, unless we tell them. Same with my friends. I wouldn't want to be on a list for someone to check off each week and if I was absent for whatever reason I get a form letter. It means much more if the call or note come from someone who I know actually cares about me and my family as people (and not 'members'), but I know that cannot be achieved unless I put myself out there and form those relationships, and be a caller or note writer myself to a degree. I'm also the type of person to feel good that one person misses me, though. Sure quantity is nice, but quantity does not equate with quality, either.

~Wendy